do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
