In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
