Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
