what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
