I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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