Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
