is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
