The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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