I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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