Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
