why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
