sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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