I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
