He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
