I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
