hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The struggles of a small town man whore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
