Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
