I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All the doctor said was why
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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