I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And then my night got REAL pukey
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
