I am full of burrito and curiosity
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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