It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
