dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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