Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
