You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
