i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
