Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
