why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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