I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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