oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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