In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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