I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he fucked my hip out of place.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need water and some morals
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
