Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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