I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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