My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you win again, gameday.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
