I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
