She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
