you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
