And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
