Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
