I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
