The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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