I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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