so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
