yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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