I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
