Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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