i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
