do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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