Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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