...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
