If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
