May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
