:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
