I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
