i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am available for nakedness
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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