i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
