I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
