When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
