I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
