so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
